On a beautiful and clear September morning, I was running errands very early and had driven about 20 minutes away to hand-deliver a bill so it wouldn't be late. On the drive I was suffering from an intense headache which seemed to worsen by the minute. I had occasional migraines during that time, and this was turning into a really bad one. I got so nauseous as I drove that I knew I was going to vomit any moment. With my stomach no longer in my control, all I had time to do was grab was an old soda cup from the floor as I was slowing down to pull over to the side of the road. Afterwards, I pressed on to drive the next few miles to get home.
Finally in my house, I cautiously ate a saltine to settle my stomach, took some Motrin then went straight to bed to recover. That was about 8:45. I woke up an hour or so later with my oldest daughter knocking on my door, telling me the Twin Towers and Pentagon had been attacked and to turn on the news. My three daughters and I sat together on my bed and watched the terrible events continue to unfold. I remember growing fearful, especially with the Pentagon attack so close to home and because of the boldness of attacking the Pentagon at all. I was afraid the attack could be much bigger than we knew at that point. I told my younger girls to get prepared just in case we needed to leave town for my parents' place outside of the area. No kidding, I really was afraid!
On a personal level I felt extraordinarily vulnerable and unequipped for walking through this event. My husband had left me less than a year before and I was intensely feeling the absence of a partner in protecting myself and my daughters, and in helping with decision-making. I felt alone and weak, anxious and afraid... and yet, times like this when I have been so acutely aware that all I have is God, remain the most profoundly peace- and grace-filled times I've experienced to this day.
I can't share about this day without saying I am forever grateful to the heroic first responders (and many unofficial "first responders") who sacrificed their lives in a courageous attempt to rescue victims of the September 11th attacks. They will always be loved and missed. May God bless their loved ones with grace and peace.
God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble at its swelling. Selah Psalm 46:1-3 ESV
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